Today marks 7 months since my mother has passed on. I have not fully recovered from everything and as a result I turned to alcohol and other tranquilisers for comfort. I relied on her so much and I have not cried enough for her as her son. I am welcoming my son into this world very soon and I wake up every day wishing my mother was here. I wish he would meet the woman who made his dad everything he is today. I cry every night in the bathroom and its just difficult to deal with everything I am feeling. I have tried to end it all many times. I am tired. I am hurt and I feel like I’m not a man anymore. My wife does not understand my pain, they all maybe expect me to be stronger than this and get over it. I can’t I am broken. I need it to stop.
The pain you’re going through right now will never pass but, it will become easier to deal with after a while. You need to cry (It’s okay to cry as a man) and let yourself feel these emotions. Mourn the greatest love of all and tell your heart that ‘It gets easier’. I would also advice you to talk to a professional, who will be able to evaluate you and ensure that you will not be a danger to yourself in future. Cry, Pray, Meditate and let the pain out. Your mother would not want you to feel all the pain you’re feeling right now and you need to find comfort in knowing that no matter what the circumstances of her passing were, she is in a better place and she is looking down on you. She still loves you and in your heart she’ll live on. I wish your wife would be more emotionally available for you and that is with no doubt something you must discuss with her. Embrace the new gift that is your son and see him as a gift of comfort from your mom. I am sorry for your loss. It gets easier ❤ I will put you in contact with people who’d be able to help you more.
Stay Real ♥